The Move to Changzhou
In 1981, I was shifted to Changzhou. The personnel division there said, that my file was about a meter thick. It seems my “black materials” were not removed or burned which had been stipulated. The organization in which one works must hold a meeting to announce a person’s rehabilitation and then burn up his black materials. In the summer of 1979 my company surely held a rehabilitation meeting, where it was announced that after 20 years I had finally completed rehabilitation.
Before 20 years who was tied up with accept bribes and lower his status 2 classes. 1960, when we just shifted to here, here was dealing a graft case. A cadre of supply section took gasft public founds and tied up with 23 provinces many cadres. My works this former vise director accepted a sheepskin top coat (this kind of graft case can be found everywhere, but 40 years ago, was seldom seen). This former vice director took advantage for rightists rehabilitation reversed his verdict. Meeting also asked present, to spread propaganda among the masses, but did not mention to rightists rehabilitation.
In the summer of 1980 I went home to the south to see my family. I discovered that for an unknown reason my second oldest sister after being reeducated through 4 years of labor did not have it reversed yet. The heart of the matter was that there were no facts about a crime. My second sister had put forward her appeal to the higher authorities and they expressed that they could not handle it. The reason was that she neither had committed a crime nor wore a hat (symbolized a criminal’s status, as such landlord, bad element, rightist, counter revolutionary, ect). What should we give rehabilitation? Her former organization in which she works in this 30 year, how many leaders have changed? Even changed organizations. She had to run around all administrative department concerned and found public health bureau, they all showed concern. But incapable of action. (no government came out to announce sb’s rehabilitation, could not return to former organization in which she worked, also no wage, no she is a jobless). After a year her organization have come a new leader. After have read her dossier, he showed distressed for her innocent, made up his mind to help her settle difficult problem. He made great efforts, then my sister get rehabilitation and returned to the place of work. But this time she has been retired.
I had the opportunity to go to Shanghai. I remember that the day was Saturday and the weather was very hot. I rode on a trolley bus to my older brother’s home. I was in a hurry because my younger brother was going to leave for Nanjing. I sat on a chair close to left window of the trolley bus, and wore sunglasses. Unexpectedly when I returned to Xian I received a letter from Shanghai. The graceful handwriting was familiar to me and made my heart race. She said that she had seen me in Shanghai on Saturday on the trolley bus as it sped past her. She had seen me. My heart beat even faster. This was not so simple, that after 16 years had passed, in the twinkling of an eye, she could identify me wearing sunglasses. I was amazed. She went on to say that she thought that I was going to my oldest brother’s home. She continued to go to her home because she didn’t know how to get in touch with me. She couldn’t remember my brother’s house number. She intended to go the next day to my brother’s street and try to find his home, but her daughter was ill and had to go to the hospital. Finally on Monday she went to my brother’s home and have gave him a letter.
“Know your situation today. So I write to you”. 16 years bosom filled with grudge against her make a clean sweep of. Held a pen at once, wrote to her a hard explain letter. Sent to her place of work. Have a month wait for her write in reply, when full of misgivings, her letter was coming. Originally, after she sent former letter, she was on a business trip to Bejing. My letter was delivered to her mother by her work together. Her mother, I know, she had not learned to read. She delivered my letter to her husband. Then something unexpected happened, when she same back, her husband took the letter with a stern attitude waiting for her. He consured her not true to him. Could not forget her former lover. Forever, even they talked about problem of divorce. This is not my willing, I prevent her in a hurry. I looked forward to this day advert of next years rapid.
1980, summer. We communicated by telephone, agreed to meet on her youngest brother’s home. She was coming. We looked each other and had a smile. It is 16 years long. She still looks the same. She was married and had two daughters. Children will be to go to the junior school. I dare not treat her with hasty consideration. Become estranged from her or in an awkward position? Only have an indescribable feeling. Waiting for her response. She greeted me with a smile, shook my hand and embraced me. I embraced her tightly. Like before. She told me her experience about this more ten years, like telefilm.
1958, after we have broken off our friendship. There were two graduates coming from Nanjing. Chased her at the same time. She was well disposed towards one within them and had a profound friendship. The another one is a secretary of the communist youth league, often got into a Maxism-Lininism face, made her detestable. After wards, they were the more chase the more press hard and was sure to come every Sunday. The one entered from the front door, then another out of the rear door, they had a tacit understanding. At least she had no choice, but to be frank with him, who she was well disposed towards. She still kept close with me. He showed comprehension. Soon afterwards this man got married. After married they continued thair friendship.
1964, when this man got, she really cut off the love relations between she and me. He expressed his feeling sorry about, if he’d know this before hand. Why she do not marry with him? 1965, she got a boyfriend, I told her, I know, this man was my brother’s schoolmate’s schoolmate, not my brothers schoolmate. This my brothers schoolmate told my brother. Once he saw a girl in his classmate’s home the girl seems familiar. But he could not place her. For the moment. Oh! That’s right. She don’t your sister in law. Is it? How is your brother and your sister in law? My brothers schoolmate said “Miss Chen said, “ she was in contact with him, found no matter what disposition or behavior are in compatible with them. When “culture revolution” began, her family feels anxious for search their house and confiscate their property again. Her father at 1953, in the name of the law breaking capitalist had been criticized and denounced all property was confiscated and moved house. Although so many years passed, he father have not to gone to work and never were known, but everyone knows. Communist party never forgot old account they were scared to death, consider the boyfriend’s aunt is a working class. Her parent gave the remain of some gold bars and jewelry to him, let him passed these things on his aunt to preserve. Who would have thought, it was courting the disaster, his aunt sure enough was steadfast in her proletarian stand, turned it all over to the higher authorities. Like this, the time for criticize and denounce, searching their house and confiscating their property has been moved up. Their three houses was confiscated too, remained one house for their whole family. Only owning to her father was a cripple, can’t take care of himself, so prevented drove whole family down to the village. The relation between her and my brother’s schoolmate’s schoolmate was come to an end. This time their parents have remembered me. They said, if it is me? Rather die than do having no shame. At this time in Shanghai, in dustbin beside street, street cleaner after can find gold bars, jewelries, or other treasures, this are its owners are afraid of searching their house, because once have been searched out, then you would be courted disaster.
She married at 1968, the other party was a teacher of a special classification, older than ten years. I said, I know, it is my eldest sister told me. 1968, my youngest sister from Baijing came to Shaughia. Their had met up with you and him at restaurant. Afterwards, you had came to talked with my sisters. They’re married soon after, because her husband was a teacher of a special classification, that is just as should be a reactionary learning authority. Remoulded to the countryside. Before leaving, her husband and father wept face to face. Father enjoyed him to go and set his mind at rest. His wife would be took care from family.
1969, that secretary of the communist youth league hate Mr. Chen do not coilling to marry him, in the work place want only put her Da Zi Bao, propagated her (league member) depart from the correct stand still was in love with rightest. Old tender regards was still immortal. There for she was kept apart and investigated. In the workplace she slept on the ground, that time was 8 months pregnant. Soon her father is died. She was allowed to see dead body. That day it is heavy raining. (Just like a TV drama, it has got to heavy rain.). She threw her big belly, has difficulty getting about. Got to her parents home, only one room. All their sons and daughters arrived, 11 people. Fathers dead body parked in the center. So many young members of family no place could sleep. At night, have no alternative but to sleep in courtyard. Spread a plastic sheet over in the rain. Wailing wind and weeping rain no one ran resist it. Within a week we have met three times at her two younger brother’s home or in the park. Long separated, 16 years have known each other long. Now we are still a close friend.
1981, spring festival (china new year). Our workshop need improved electric furnace transformer, transformer common burbar into water cold bar. I am in charge of this engineering. During holidays, it is just step up our working. Workshop sent a young women electric welder to cooperate with me. Two days, would in full wing, today is second day of spring festival. The hide tide of festival have not gone yet, I promise. Don’t take lunch, put on a spurt, it will be over, then we shall have lunch. She contested to the proposal. 3 p.m. that day we worked over, now we can have a breathing spell. This time, I found no place she can lunch, workshop’s restaurant have served over a meal. I have a egg shaped briquet stove. Invited her cook rice by ourselves with me. Thus we began familiar with another. Where are three holidays yet, no place can we go a play. We like cooking ourselves, only one day afternoon we went to the park afterwards we get together all day. Three months latter, one day we asked her parents and with their consent we married. This day is a sunlit and enchanting scene of spring day. We came out of the marriage registry office, and went directly to the park. Celebrating us have been combined a couple, husband and wife. We were ripples on the lake. Birds sang on the willow branches. Seems a blessing us 27 years happiness and joyful. My wife Zhang younger than I. Her parents at the 1950’s early from Shanghai have been shifted to great northwest Xian, she was brought up in Xian. 1974 graduated from high middle school then went to the countryside. 1977, November, was shifted to our works and in the same shop as I do. Prior we have never been in contact with another.
From northeast to northwest, after passing through many different places, 30 years. The most unable to endure was “not eating”. After 1954, rice nearly could not be seen. At north steamed breads smell sour. Dishes is hard to swallow. Lunch in works even no table, no stool. They are used to having lunch squatting down. I always, as a human do not ought to live like that. Now I am advanced in years, hope to falling leaves settle on their roots. Political problem have thoroughly settled. I cherish the memory of south surroundings, asked transferring me to south past. 30 tears long where the party pionted there we rushed to, now I first put forward this demand. To Shanghai, to Hangzhou it is impossible, I came to Changzhou. This is midway from Nanjing to Shanghai, also close to Hangzhou, advantage to brothers and sisters reunion. Teached in college for ten years, arrived retirement age. I have only worked 15 years all my life, how much I was lamentable.
Now I lived a stable life, we have a daughter 18 years old, nearly graduated from a senior middle school, my sole aspiration is, she would be admitted to a ideal college after an examination. I’ll always remember the day of the most valuable time in my life. Especially the jail life. I don’t know why they have to so cruelly mistreat common people. People are their own sons and daughters. If they make any mistake, should put to use legal sanction. Why will they do these, I don’t know. To be sure where there were some horrifying atrocities not I have to say. I believe, between government and people, ought to no enmity exist. Their action were beyond Chinese, also foreigners comprehension. Like nightmarish demon image weigh down my heart could not waved away.
I often watched foreign jail on TV. Prisoners have bed, enough space may move about, especially there is flush toilet. Prison guard treat prisoners with due respect. I can not help being palpitated. As in <<RED ROCK>>. Kuo mintang’s special task organs—China-America cooperation also have enough free time to act on their own, even have library. It makes me admiring increasingly. If only I had a specialized book. I had read a satire news here, it satirized French jail blowing their own trumpet, their jail is a most reliable jail in world. They have most advanced facilities. Make prisoners not run away. But there is a prisoner still ran away from this jail. Originally this prisoner made us of the chance, using red cloth as identification signal, flying to a coming helicopter escaped. I also had watched the TV version of this news. Prisons, to my surprise, let prisoners play football. How can we Chinese imagine. The thought was escaped away. I thought was this kind of jail life. Thought of this make me distressed.
Family members, my friends always try patiently to talk me round, hope the time can pacify my psychic trauma. 20 years passed. Time affected me nothing. When I saw the unfairness in the world. Government officials run on a rampage. I cannot restrain my indignant heart. I was not pure grieved by my past record, died, lived, the human, the affairs how many tragic beyond compare in this human world, it is nothing for me as my record. I was pained for this our nationalities. A weekly submission to oppression, rather kneel to live than stand to die nationally. When we will wake up to reality, when we have the hope?
THE END
All This in My Lifetime