Sick Body, Cured Spirit
Secretary Wang told the farm leader to let me do light physical labor. The second day there the farm leader asked me to sweep the courtyard. As I swept my legs felt heavier and heavier. The third day I thought that I had developed dropsy. A doctor who was also a laborer at the farm looked at me. He seemed like an old friend. He told me to not use so much salt and I knew that, but I could not resist. The fourth day my legs swelled and my skin started cracking. Of course, it gave me much pain. I could hardly walk.
I was given permission to ride a bicycle to the San Yuan County Hospital which was10 km from the farm to see a doctor. Just as I had gone two kilometers my bicycle broke down. Fortunately, there was a town where I could repair it. During the repair, the worker accidentally noticed that my legs were so swollen. He asked me about it and then said that I need not travel to the county hospital because this town also had a hospital with a famous doctor of traditional Chinese medicine named Feng, who the government had forced to work in this little town.
When I got to the hospital in the little town, I saw that many patients were lining up to see the famous Chinese medicine doctor. There was no one there lined up to see the doctor of western medicine. I was afraid to be the only one to see the Doctor of Western Medicine, but I was in too much pain to be able to wait. The Western doctor looked and felt my legs and seemed puzzled. He then consulted with the Chinese Medicine Doctor holding a group consultation of all the doctors practicing both Chinese and Western medicine. They all seemed perplexed, but decided to give me a tonic and a coupon for one kg. of brown sugar. Oh, how precious—sugar, it had been years since I had that taste.
Several days later I went to another hospital because I was not getting better. A young woman doctor trained in Western medicine said that it could be one of three problems. She said that dropsy can have three causes. One problem could be that my heart has a disease. The second problem could be that my kidneys have a disease. The third cause could be severe malnutrition. She thought that it had to be problems one or two because for some reason she thought that I was a popular official of the town. She could not understand how I could have malnutrition. She gave me another tonic and royal jelly. I smiled in my heart and knew that the kindhearted doctor had completely cured me because she made me feel of human value. I was mistaken for an official. I was no longer “nothing” from a prison. I would survive because I now was human with dignity.
Within two months I put on 30 kilograms and attained the weight of 70 kg. My neck became thick and grew faster than the two pigs that I had bred. My pigs did not will to grow up, but soon could run faster than dogs. I also had a little black pet dog that became my constant companion and friend. The dog also offered me dignity and love. I learned that human worth ranks with oxygen, water and food as a necessity to keep one alive.
After I arrived at the farm, I first wrote to ask about my brother in Shanghai and his marriage. God had blessed him with a good baby daughter, now one-year-old. Upon hearing this wonderful news the stone in my heavy heart dissipated giving me a new joy and lightness like I had forgotten existed.
Meanwhile I received a parcel post box with two suits of cotton jersey and trousers. Oh, how much I needed that. My older sister seemed to know just what I needed. Thinking of my family members made me determined to stay alive and become healthy. They knew that I was in such bad health having dropsy. My third sister wanted to come to the farm to see me, but it was not allowed. The reason given was that I was still in a state of ideological remolding and she might arrest my progress. It is significant that just to the contrary, what could have helped me most was the inspiration of my family. The Communist Party, at that time just as now too, I deemed as having a venomous heart and a small mind. They simply do not understand the true nature of humanity. We are social creatures, but the strongest ties are within the nuclear or extended family. The government cannot take the place of familial love and the emotional connections of shared experiences and struggles on an intimate level.
They also do not understand man’s need for justice. One should receive, as he deserves. The harder and smarter you work the more benefits you should receive from your labor. If a man has to share everything that he has earned, he loses motivation for work. The only ones who are happy getting equal to what everyone else gets, are those who have worked less than others. With a system as that soon no one wants to work. Even the men at the prison worked harder and longer in the hope of discovering and keeping the best button.
I passed through a time when I learned more about human nature. I discovered that our farmers, who all came from our Xian Metallurgical Machine Works Company, were all arrogant toward the local peasants. They considered that compared with the peasants they were in an advantageous position of having more education and training and coming from other locations. Maybe the peasants were too poor and they envied the worker’s wages, although it all was terribly little that everyone received. The peasants never have money, but they can barter and trade their daily salt in exchange for eggs or produce. At the end of the year, if there is something left after the crop is sold, they may get a share of some money.
Our company farm had sunk a well and drew water every day. It made the peasants wells go dry. So the peasants had to carry the water on their shoulders from our farm. But, the workers would not allow the peasants to draw the water once our pump was in operation. I communicated with every farmer’s family when they came to draw the water and carry it. I began to get in touch with the farmers. They are mostly good and honest. I was amazed to find out why they were so poor. San Yuan County is mostly a rich area, which abounded in cotton and rice. But the farmers were still badly off. They lived in houses made of dirt, ate maize gruel with a little added chili powder and wore worn out clothes. The children’s facial expressions were dull-witted, especially in the winter. I saw that the children usually wore old and shabby black jackets that were so thin you could see through the cotton padding. They wore no underwear. In one hand they carried a big bowl and looked at me with a dull light in their eyes. This started to make my heart worried.
These people lead a true Communist life. Every team ate the same food. Maize was the main harvest. They all ate maize. Sweet potatoes were all dug together and then everyone ate sweet potatoes. Chilies were grown and picked together and then they all ate chilies. Vegetable greens were picked and they all ate vegetable greens. They all had little bowls, like little washbowls. There was no money all year except at the end of the year. At this time they got money from the production brigade. In previous times they could go to the cooperative shop taking eggs to exchange for salt, noodles or other things. But now eggs were very few because raising a large number of hens was no longer allowed. Mao had ruled against that. When children came from school they cut grass for the pigs and put the ewe out to pasture. So children did have a great quantity of milk to drink. It was a very simple and hard life.
I heartily sympathized with the farmers. I felt like I had become a farmer’s good friend. Also they had not discriminated against me on account of my being called a rightist. Their team was allowed to slaughter one or two pigs for the Spring Festival and share it with all the farmer’s families. At Spring Festival they ate steamed buns stuffed with pork. But it is only two times that farmers got to eat pork. I remember that when in the municipal jail I also had two times to eat meat, although the total amount was less than 50 grams.
On Spring Festival Eve the farmers invited me to eat minced meat steamed stuffed buns. The first day of Spring Festival the team leader invited me to eat noodles and meat. I was the only guest. For more that one year I was there at the farm and I developed a deep affection for farmers. My farm leader felt that I was taking things too seriously. He questioned me because I was supposed to be a rightist and counterrevolutionary so then why did the farmers welcome me with them?