Leaving Colorado Springs
I had never been so nervous and excited in my life, not even on my wedding day or the days when I took my two Master’s Exams. I almost forgot, this was actually very similar to how I felt the morning of the birth of my first baby, my daughter, after I had spent an entire night in labor, at home, basically alone. My very practical husband had slept all night. He said that there was no sense in both of us losing out on a night of sleep. So at about 6 AM when I finally woke him up to take me to the hospital, I was wired, fully charged and I WAS READY.
That’s how I felt this morning — READY — TO GIVE BIRTH — but this time to an adventure.
I had decided not to have my son (my second child) go to the airport with me because I was afraid that I would cry and carry on. It was my decision to go to China to teach, so there really wasn’t anything to cry about. But just leaving my child, even though he was 22 years old, would bring tears to my eyes and questioning to my heart as to whether what I was doing was too selfish for a truly “good” mother.
I am basically an adventurous person. I had studied in Europe during college and had traveled to many different countries with my husband. I decided that a trip to China to teach for a year was my reward for twenty years of teaching in the US and successfully raising, pretty much by myself, two children. I could have cried very easily about almost anything because I was so nervous, excited, scarred, apprehensive and the list of emotions goes on. This was one of the most daring things I had done in my entire life. I was literally going to live on the other side of the world to a country which has been fascinating to me since I was a child, but certainly isn’t known for freedom or human rights. I wasn’t planning on doing anything that would cause me trouble, so I wasn’t worried, but on the other hand I didn’t think much about potential problems that I could have. It was best to just leave Colorado Springs alone, without fanfare, tears or an audience for any outbursts of the numerous emotions that I felt and could control much better when alone.
So, I had asked a friend of mine to drop me off at the airport on her way to work at around 6:30AM. When I got there, the Colorado Springs airport was like an eerie nightmare. I had never imagined an airport so quiet. I had arrived early enough that none of the bright lights were on nor ticket counters open and I assumed that only a very few airport employees were at work, somewhere, or at least the doors had been unlocked. The airport and city were small enough that there were no night flights in or out. The day was just getting started and there wasn’t another person in sight.
As it turned out this was “the quiet before the storm.” I’m glad that I enjoyed this time of peace to relax and meditate before my heart sped up again and stayed that way for most of the next 26 hours. I happily sat for a while at a row of attached chairs and relished the quiet and emptiness. I don’t think that I slept, but I was deeply relaxed and the time passed quickly.
After about one hour, the ticket counter opened. I decided that I did not want to be the first person to the counter, so I slowly dragged my two huge suitcases when I saw that another man would be in front of me. I tried to act like my suitcases didn’t weigh as much as they did. I also had my laptop computer and a big carry-on bag. I must have been a funny sight, but fortunately no one was there to see it or make me feel self-conscious.
When it was my turn, the ticket man could barely lift the largest suitcase. Soon he said that it would cost an extra $500 for the additional weight. In disbelief I said that I couldn’t afford that much. I then told him that “someone” had told me that they did not pay attention to weight on foreign flights. He said that to the contrary, this was where they most carefully monitored weight. I actually couldn’t remember where I had gotten that piece of erroneous information, which I had never really thought much about, but just clung to it in the hope of it being true. I very slowly and quietly choked out, “Well, what can I do? I’m going to live in China for over a year. That isn’t a short vacation. I really need most of these things.” He said that he would give me a box to fill with eighty pounds of the less important items that had to be left behind.
I was in shock and so thankful that this was the quiet Colorado Springs airport. There were by now less than ten people in sight as I causally dragged my luggage to a near-by “out of the way” corner of the terminal. I balanced the box on the row of attached chairs and spread out the two suitcases on the floor. I started; it seemed in slow motion, to look at each item I had packed and decide if I needed it or could live without it for twelve to eighteen months. I have no idea how I was making these determinations.
After a little time had passed, the ticket man appeared and said that he had thought of another idea. He asked if I could afford $130 for an additional suitcase? That sounded very reasonable to me and I was suddenly elated. But then I realized that I didn’t know how I could get another suitcase. I started to explain that someone had dropped me off and I didn’t know how I could get another suitcase. He said with a smile that he had damaged suitcases that people had left after insurance claims. He would pick out the one that was in the best shape. That sounded like the most wonderful idea. Basically, then I “just” had to repack the three suitcases to weigh about seventy pounds each. He reminded me that I also had to pick out about ten pounds of items to leave behind. While he went to get the damaged suitcase, I re-evaluated each item in the box by my new standards. I wish that there could be some way to replay my thoughts at a time like this. I wasn’t sure if it now would seem outrageously funny or show an incredible emergency reserve of decision making ability or maybe both.
I have no idea how many people passed by me. I must have been an unusual sight. I think that some people thought that I was selling or giving things away from the open suitcases. Some people slowed and were looking at me very closely, but I had no time to care. I was packing, repacking and shuffling things around. I was glad that I had gotten to the airport early so that I could reasonably solve this problem. I could not believe hearing a first call for boarding for my flight. I left my suitcases open while I frantically found a phone to call my friend to come sometime that day to pick up the ten pounds of odd items that had been cut from my trip and left in a box at the ticket counter. I actually thought that I might never see any of those things again. I actually didn’t care if someone took something from the open suitcases because that would just be one less item to be weighed. I closed and dragged my now, three suitcases to the ticket counter. I think that they still did not weigh in correctly, but the man didn’t have the heart to say anything more. I put the $130 charge on my credit card, gave the man the jumbled box of rejected items and ran to the gate for the final boarding. I was the last person to board the plane. It was 9:30 AM, my hair was damp with sweat and I was now a combination of excited and exhausted, but I was on my way to China.
I sat next to a woman who quickly gave me some perspective on life and kept me quietly respectful. She was on her way to Minneapolis to sort through her parents’ possessions of a lifetime. Her mother had died three years earlier and her father died two months ago. She talked of feeling like an orphan at the age of 50. She finally felt able to go to the house where she had grown-up and sort through her parents’ stuff. It made me feel like what I had just done was not that big of a deal. I was still so excited, but I thought that it might be good to just focus on someone else’s life and problems for a while. I practiced being a good sympathetic listener and for now my problems seemed too small to talk about compared to hers.